The joys and the heart-aches of being a missionary.... or maybe more so being an American in a third world country. I'm learning everyday about being a missionary and 'doing life in Haiti' and I know I don't have all the answers and more than likely I do many things the wrong way and I'm sure many times I have done more harm the helping. But I'm learning and God continues to mold me and shape me.
I find that in many situations its becoming easier for me to say no when asked for money or items. I hate that and it sounds so cruel, but at the same time in most of the situations I know that I wouldn't necessarily be helping them. Yes by giving them money I might be able to help them buy food for their family, but is that really what they are going to use the money for?
The man who comes to the gate and wants money to help pay for his son's funeral...my heart breaks...but is it really true? It's easy to ask American's for money but as soon as I sent Pastor Wesley, a Haitian, down there to talk to the man; things were different. Pastor Wesley didn't even believe the man that his son died after talking with him and asking him questions.
How do you know who to help and who not to help? Of course I'd love to help everyone that comes to our gates but realistically we can't. It breaks my heart.
Perfect example of a heart breaking situation yesterday. As many of you know I have a heart for children with special needs. Yesterday a lady that I know and her friend came to us with this boy and asked us to take him in. The one lady had been caring for him for several years after his father said he didn't want him anymore and now she feels that she isn't able to care for him either. He was the sweetest little boy and was just adorable. I tried to explain to them that first of all we don't have any space for more boys at Grace Village. Second of all we are not equipped or have the right people in place to help care for this boy. I so badly wanted to take him into my own house and love on him and care for him. But I knew it would not be wise to have him come live with me. But why Lord did you bring this little boy into my life? Why did you bring him here to tug on my heart strings only to have to tell him no. I don't want to turn the cheek and walk away like it was no big deal and someone else will care for him because realistically in Haiti children like him are not cared for and are looked down upon. I just wonder why? I have to trust there was a reason for it and maybe some day I will know and maybe I won't. I just have to have faith.
Please say a little pray for this little boy!
But then on the complete other side of things there are the stories and situations in which I am filled with so much joy!
On Monday we were able to take in two little girls from another orphanage. The girls are sisters and are 3 and 5 years old. Sadly the 5 year old weighs the same as her 3 year old sister and is only a couple inches taller. Heart breaking situation, but this time we can say YES and we CAN help them. Why them I ask why not the other children we have come in contact with? Again I don't have the answer to 'why' but I do know that I have to trust it is God's perfect plan for these little girls and for Grace Village.
When they first came they were a little scared and not quite sure what to think. We had them all checked out and started them on medications and took them to get some labs completed.
A few short hours later they we laughing and talking up a storm! The kids love them and take so much pride in being able to help them!
Nothing but smiles!
They even got a nice little nap in during the day! :)
Please pray for this adorable little girls too!
I don't have the answers as to why God does certain things or why he brings certain people into our lives, but I do know that we have to have Faith and Trust in what HE is doing and pray for wisdom, guidance and discernment in every situation we encounter. Not only in Haiti, but where ever you are.