Tragedy to TRIUMPH
I can say that this past week was one of the most difficult weeks I have had in a long time. Being a missionary in general is difficult; learning and dealing with a completely different culture never seems to be easy--even when I think I start to understand something I realize quickly that I still don’t “get it.” I need to continually remind myself that I will never understand I just have to accept it as it is and do the best that I can. As a missionary I have done and dealt with more things than I ever thought I would or was able to. By the grace of God, He continues to equip me and provides me with the knowledge, wisdom and resources that I need. I am so thankful for that!
Not only is being a missionary hard in the cultural aspect but also maintaining relationships back in the states is difficult. I will be the first to admit that I have not been the best at making every effort to maintain these relationships and could come up with a million excuses as to why I haven’t but that’s exactly it; they are excuses.
As a missionary the question is always ‘how long have you been here?’ ‘How long are you going to stay?’ Well if I knew the answer I would be jumping for joy!! Thinking about my future this week and all the decisions I have to make and figure out where GOD is calling me to be and what HE is calling me to do has been heavy on my heart. Sometimes I just wish God would yell at me and say do this—even though it looks crazy and difficult and people are going to think you are crazy DO THIS! It doesn’t always workout that way unfortunately. ;)
Over the last 9 months (I know can you believe I have been here for 9 months!!) I felt that I have been pretty even keeled with my emotions. But this last week the tears came streaming down my face. For the things that I was facing in a third world country, for my relationships back home, for the day in and day out trials and joys of living at Grace Village, and for being extremely blessed to live in Haiti and the people who God has placed in my life who continually bless me beyond anything I deserve. I cried sad tears, happy tears, lonely tears, joyful tears, and many tears of how God continues to provide for me and be my Rock even in difficult times.
Last night I decided that I needed to have some “me” time and be filled with the WORD in words that I could actually understand. It had been months since I attend Port au Prince Fellowship Church-an American church where many missionaries go-and I knew I needed it. Again God provided the means for me to get there. It of course was just what I needed.
I was reminded that no matter what season I am in, HE is there. God is always there; all I need to do is lean on Him. He will not abandon me. I can always expect that when I overcome one trial eventually there will be another—the devil is not going to let me get away that easy—but God is already there. With every tragedy there is triumph, I just need to open my eyes to it and let God be my Rock.
Although this week was a struggle, today I was lifted and filled and reminded how much I love my life here and the work that God has me doing and what He is doing in me as well. Today there was TRIUMPH in my struggles.
I am continuing to offer my life to the LORD!
Who wouldn’t be lifted up with all these cute little kiddos to love on everyday!! I am blessed no matter and God has my future in the palm of HIS hands.