Sunday, May 24, 2015

Anxiety, Anger, Fear...

These are the feelings that have been overcoming me lately....Anxiety, Anger, Fear. I felt like today I could finally put words to these feelings that I've been having lately. And I felt like everything could be summed up into these 3 ugly words.

Anxious about these next two weeks and the transitions that are going to be happening. Feeling that a huge piece of Lovinsky and my life is leaving and what are we going to do! So many great friends leaving who have are so dear to us. 

Anxious about what the summer is going to look like and how we are going to too keep ourselves sane! 

Angry that God would take such great people out of my life. 

Angry about Lovinsky's paperwork and that they are not willing to change the age on his birth certificate to a more appropriate age. 

Fearful about the future of Lovinsky and I what it will all look like. Will they allow me to adopt him? Will he ever be able to go to the states and see my family? 

Fearful about doing life alone. Although Lovinsky believes that one night God is just going to plop a boyfriend in my bed for me! :| Or after having a discussion about how God can do anything and He gave Sarah a baby when she was really old he tells me...Mom, I think God is going to give you a boyfriend on Wed and you are going to go to MN and get married and have a baby and I will stay here with Kamala and then you will come back with the baby! Oh the things children come up with! :) 

But today I was reminded that God has a perfect plan. All things work together for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28. 

At church this morning we sang "No Longer Slaves" and it hit me hard. As the tears strolled down my face and I listened to the words I felt a huge burden lifted off of me as I laid it all down before the Lord. I am no longer a slave to fear. I AM A CHILD OF GOD!! Those words rang through me. 

From my mothers womb You have chosen me. I am surrounded by the arms of the Father. You split the sea so I could walk right through it. You drown my fears in perfect love. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. Every part of this song just hit me to my core. 

Yes the future is uncertain, I'm frustrated and anxious about my future holds, I'm angry about things happening, BUT I AM A CHILD OF GOD and I can lay it all down at His feet and trust that He will guide me. So I am no longer a slave to fear! I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND YOU ARE TOO! 


Another one of the songs that got me...

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