I've been on both ends, but this time in the moment of complete failure, my son made me feel like a rockstar again.
I'll admit this past weekend I let my emotions and the realities of Haiti get the best of me. It just seemed to be one of those days where it started off rotten and I didn't do anything to change my own attitude. Then satan of course thought this is a great opportunity to jump in--and he did. While going to the grocery store, being stuck in traffic when its sweltering hot with no AC and then having the car brake down and THEN the wheelchair of my friends son was stolen out of the back of the pick up truck. Really Haiti?! The day pretty much stunk. But thankfully God had has break down right in front of Rebo--which is like a Haiti Starbucks. God knew I needed a pick me up. :)
To be honest through all of this my little man was a rockstar! Even though I was a pill!
We decided to walk up to the grocery store and do our shopping and wait for our ride there. Walking about 3 blocks up hill having to carry a 50lb boy...not the easiest! We made it safely and all was good...in theory but thats when I failed letting all my personal emotions and frustrations and what just happened take over me.
I was a kid and I remember going to the grocery store and always asking for everything!! KIDS DO THIS!! Unfortunately many of the things that I would want to buy for him are just way to expensive that I literally can't. Other things are just not healthy and I'm sorry I'm not buying it. I snapped. I lost it. He lost it and our afternoon was shot.
We were able to move past it but not really. Not until the next day after some self reflection and going to church in Cite Soliel (that always seems to put things into perspective) did I realize I was probably 100% to blame. As we were driving to a friends house because I just had to get out of the house and out of my funk. I looked at him and said you know what buddy I'm really sorry for this weekend and being so crabby and taking it out on you. Without skipping a beat he says, 'Mom it's ok. I'm sorry too for being rude and disrespectful.' What?! Really?! You just said that and I didn't have to prompt you?! All sanity had been restored in my world and we decided to make a change together! It was sincere it, it was honest, it changed us.
"I'm sorry"...those words said when you really are sorry and you want to change and you feel bad for what happened can change the world. It's so easy to just throw those words out there and they are just empty and mean nothing. I've done it and I received it. I'm learning that when I receive that heartfelt "I'm sorry" a weight is truly lifted. But when those empty words come I need to PRAY. I need to lay it down and ask for help.
I am thankful that God has given me a wonderful little man to remind me of the simplest things in life. Things we learn as kids...Thankful he reminds we how to love, apologize and forgive. He blesses me and loves me when I least deserve it. This kid is is pretty amazing with all that life has thrown at him and he continues to love, learn, and choose joy!
When talking this morning I asked him, "Do you really think God is going to take care of us and He's going to provide for us?"
In my wavering faith he confidently says, "Yes mom!" Like I was silly to even ask the question.
Then I said, "Are you sure? Why are you so sure?"
"Yes mom I'm sure because He is God and He can do everything." Amen little man!! Thank you for being my light!
You are right! HE is GOD and HE can do EVERYTHING!!
I mean look at where we are today!!
God knows our every need and I'm thankful that in His perfect timing His will always prevails!