another YEAR....

Preparing for another year…

You’ve guessed it….

I’M STAYING IN HAITI.

:)

For many of you this may be no surprise knowing my heart and passion for Haiti but I’m also sure for many of you you are thinking how crazy I am to be staying another year for many reasons! Rightfully so that many of you may have those feelings—to be honest at one point I did too. I’ve just come to the conclusion that my life is nothing what “I” planned it to be and nothing like I expected, but nonetheless here I am enjoying every minute of it—the good and the bad and the ups and the downs and through it all I’m learning and more importantly learning what it means to fully trust in God for my every need.

To go along with my crazy living I had to do some crazy things back in Minnesota. When I asked to extend my leave of absence at my job for another year I unfortunately (well in my eyes I initially thought it was unfortunate but God has different plans) was not able to extend my leave of absence. So when I first heard this news my initial response was ‘ok I’ll go back to the states and work for awhile seeing how things go.’ But my heart just wasn’t settled about this. So I continued to pray that some how my request would be granted. I loved my position when I left my job and what I was doing. I knew when I first took my leave that when I returned I wouldn’t necessarily get my same position back. At the time I was ok with that. But when I heard what my new position entailed I felt like it was God closing a door and steering me along His path. So after hearing this I took some time to pray. I think I always knew what I had to do in my heart but was scared to say it to others—for the fear that they would think that I am even crazier than they originally thought—and I had the fear of how in the world am I going to support myself, not to mention pay for this adoption, not to mention provide for kids. But I knew. I knew I had to quit my job and follow my heart and follow where I felt God was leading me.

So..... I did it. I sent the email saying that I quit my job.

So.... here I am in HAITI for another year…or how ever long God calls me here.

So.... please prayerfully consider supporting me on this crazy journey I call life. I would be so appreciative if you could support me monthly or even just $5…ever little bit helps!

click here to donate

Where God leads me I will follow and He will continue to provide for my every need. I am beyond thankful for my supportive family and friends—even though they too may think I’m crazy... I keep life interesting for them. ;) 

“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” 

― Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

Joy filled Heart--sharing Haiti with my Sister!!

My heart is filled with JOY at the fact that last week I was able to share HAITI with MY SISTER!! Words cannot describe how amazing it was to watch her experience Haiti for the first time! It brought me right back to my first trip with all the emotions and questions of WHY?!?

To see her love on the kids of Cite Soliel, hold the sick and dying babies, rub lotion on those with Tuberculosis, paint the nails of the sick and frail elderly, kiss the faces of poor, love on our elderly in Titanyen, hold baby Katie and bless her with diapers and cute new clothes, carry the water buckets to the tin shanties called 'homes' and just to see her be the hands and feet of Jesus fills my heart with JOY!

My heart continues to break as I was reminded of life outside the walls of Grace Village and all those in such horrible situations. I was blessed to be able to serve again in this way and best of all to share that with my sister. 

Check out our pictures from the week and all the love and joy we were able to share together!! 

Truly blessed to be able to share this part of my life with my sister. 

Click here to view these pictures larger

I would also like to say thank you to all of her friends who supported her on this trip with donations and who blessed me with all kinds of goodies and snacks! Thank you for blessing me and loving me!! 

My SISTER in HAITI

My sister is on her way to Haiti!! 

The day has come…it is hard to believe that it is actually happening and I feel like I’ve been so busy and overwhelmed with other things going on (will need a new blog post for all of that) that I really haven’t had much time to process it….BUT today MY SISTER is going to be in HAITI with ME!!!

If any of you know us, we couldn’t be more different, but yet often get asked if we are twins. For those of you who don’t know us….I could live life without planning out a single thing (probably why I can handle living in Haiti!) and my sister on the other hand likes to have everything planned out or at least know what is going on. So first of all the fact that she made the decision to come here-kind of on a whim and with only about 3 weeks to prepare is a miracle in and of itself! Also the fact that she really doesn’t know what to expect or how our week is going to look is not like her—miracle number two! Also when I asked her about the week and tried to plan a day for us; she had no preference as to what it looked like (and to be honest I still don’t either ;) ) but that is not like her!! Miracle number 3! She hasn’t even gotten to Haiti and God is already doing miracles! :)

Rhonda and I at the Sweetheart ball in February--this was a surprise visit home for me it was great....for her I think she was more stressed about not knowing that I was coming home, but of course ecstatic that I was home!   

I can’t begin to explain what this means to me and how excited I am to share my love for Haiti with her. I can’t wait for her to experience the sights, the sound, the smells, the foods, and the touches of the Haitian people. Haiti is a place that I love dearly and my heart breaks for daily, but it is also a place where I see God all around and today I get to share that with my sister! My heart is overflowing with joy and excitement right now!

Its hard to really get an understand of Haiti just through the pictures—which she has seen a lot of—but today those pictures are going to be her reality. She is going to see the Haitian people, see the poverty, experience the love that overflows from you for a child that isn’t yours and you don’t even know the name of, but you do know that they need love and a tender touch. Today Haiti will be reality and I undoubtedly know that it will change her life and the way she looks at those pictures forever.

God has an amazing week planned out for us and no matter; it will be great.  Please pray over this week with me. Pray that God would break our hearts, He would protect us and keep us safe, He would have His way with us, He would put people in our paths who need us, He would keep us healthy, He would defeat satan and satan would not have any footholds this week, He would open our eyes to new things, He would speak to us daily, and that HE would be our Guide and our Rock for anything that comes at us this week.

Today is the start of an amazing week and week that I have longed for many many many months! 

                                                   (patiently waiting for you Brian...) :) 

Be still

As I read Sarah Young this morning it hit me square in the head! She always has a way of writing just what I need to hear.

Lately I have been busy 'planning' what my next year will look like...stay in Haiti or go back...I think I know the answer but I've been busy trying to plan what it looks like and if it will work.

Thankful for the reminder this morning to be still and know that He is God and to rest in His presence but to also respond to every circumstance with affirmations of trust.

As I pray about my future will you pray with me? That His will be done not mine, that He will lead and I will follow and that He would continue to make it clear which path to go down and also to trust Him in all things which ever path He may lead me on.

joys and heart-aches

The joys and the heart-aches of being a missionary.... or maybe more so being an American in a third world country. I'm learning everyday about being a missionary and 'doing life in Haiti' and I know I  don't have all the answers and more than likely I do many things the wrong way and I'm sure many times I have done more harm the helping. But I'm learning and God continues to mold me and shape me.

I find that in many situations its becoming easier for me to say no when asked for money or items. I hate that and it sounds so cruel, but at the same time in most of the situations I know that I wouldn't necessarily be helping them. Yes by giving them money I might be able to help them buy food for their family, but is that really what they are going to use the money for? 

The man who comes to the gate and wants money to help pay for his son's funeral...my heart breaks...but is it really true? It's easy to ask American's for money but as soon as I sent Pastor Wesley, a Haitian, down there to talk to the man; things were different. Pastor Wesley didn't even believe the man that his son died after talking with him and asking him questions. 

How do you know who to help and who not to help? Of course I'd love to help everyone that comes to our gates but realistically we can't. It breaks my heart. 

Perfect example of a heart breaking situation yesterday. As many of you know I have a heart for children with special needs. Yesterday a lady that I know and her friend came to us with this boy and asked us to take him in. The one lady had been caring for him for several years after his father said he didn't want him anymore and now she feels that she isn't able to care for him either. He was the sweetest little boy and was just adorable. I tried to explain to them that first of all we don't have any space for more boys at Grace Village. Second of all we are not equipped or have the right people in place to help care for this boy. I so badly wanted to take him into my own house and love on him and care for him. But I knew it would not be wise to have him come live with me. But why Lord did you bring this little boy into my life? Why did you bring him here to tug on my heart strings only to have to tell him no. I don't want to turn the cheek and walk away like it was no big deal and someone else will care for him because realistically in Haiti children like him are not cared for and are looked down upon. I just wonder why? I have to trust there was a reason for it and maybe some day I will know and maybe I won't. I just have to have faith. 

Please say a little pray for this little boy! 

 But then on the complete other side of things there are the stories and situations in which I am filled with so much joy!

 On Monday we were able to take in two little girls from another orphanage. The girls are sisters and are 3 and 5 years old. Sadly the 5 year old weighs the same as her 3 year old sister and is only a couple inches taller. Heart breaking situation, but this time we can say YES and we CAN help them. Why them I ask why not the other children we have come in contact with? Again I don't have the answer to 'why' but I do know that I have to trust it is God's perfect plan for these little girls and for Grace Village.

When they first came they were a little scared and not quite sure what to think. We had them all checked out and started them on medications and took them to get some labs completed.

A few short hours later they we laughing and talking up a storm! The kids love them and take so much pride in being able to help them! 

Nothing but smiles! 

They even got a nice little nap in during the day! :)

Please pray for this adorable little girls too! 

I don't have the answers as to why God does certain things or why he brings certain people into our lives, but I do know that we have to have Faith and Trust in what HE is doing and pray for wisdom, guidance and discernment in every situation we encounter. Not only in Haiti, but where ever you are. 

Tragedy to TRIUMPH

Tragedy to TRIUMPH

I can say that this past week was one of the most difficult weeks I have had in a long time. Being a missionary in general is difficult; learning and dealing with a completely different culture never seems to be easy--even when I think I start to understand something I realize quickly that I still don’t “get it.” I need to continually remind myself that I will never understand I just have to accept it as it is and do the best that I can. As a missionary I have done and dealt with more things than I ever thought I would or was able to. By the grace of God, He continues to equip me and provides me with the knowledge, wisdom and resources that I need. I am so thankful for that!

Not only is being a missionary hard in the cultural aspect but also maintaining relationships back in the states is difficult. I will be the first to admit that I have not been the best at making every effort to maintain these relationships and could come up with a million excuses as to why I haven’t but that’s exactly it; they are excuses.

As a missionary the question is always ‘how long have you been here?’ ‘How long are you going to stay?’ Well if I knew the answer I would be jumping for joy!!  Thinking about my future this week and all the decisions I have to make and figure out where GOD is calling me to be and what HE is calling me to do has been heavy on my heart. Sometimes I just wish God would yell at me and say do this—even though it looks crazy and difficult and people are going to think you are crazy DO THIS! It doesn’t always workout that way unfortunately. ;)

Over the last 9 months (I know can you believe I have been here for 9 months!!) I felt that I have been pretty even keeled with my emotions. But this last week the tears came streaming down my face. For the things that I was facing in a third world country, for my relationships back home, for the day in and day out trials and joys of living at Grace Village, and for being extremely blessed to live in Haiti and the people who God has placed in my life who continually bless me beyond anything I deserve. I cried sad tears, happy tears, lonely tears, joyful tears, and many tears of how God continues to provide for me and be my Rock even in difficult times.

Last night I decided that I needed to have some “me” time and be filled with the WORD in words that I could actually understand. It had been months since I attend Port au Prince Fellowship Church-an American church where many missionaries go-and I knew I needed it. Again God provided the means for me to get there. It of course was just what I needed.

I was reminded that no matter what season I am in, HE is there. God is always there; all I need to do is lean on Him. He will not abandon me. I can always expect that when I overcome one trial eventually there will be another—the devil is not going to let me get away that easy—but God is already there. With every tragedy there is triumph, I just need to open my eyes to it and let God be my Rock.

Although this week was a struggle, today I was lifted and filled and reminded how much I love my life here and the work that God has me doing and what He is doing in me as well. Today there was TRIUMPH in my struggles.

I am continuing to offer my life to the LORD! 

Who wouldn’t be lifted up with all these cute little kiddos to love on everyday!! I am blessed no matter and God has my future in the palm of HIS hands.