Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Anything but "normal"

My life is anything but "normal"...

As I traveled back to the states I felt myself having feelings upon re entry like I did after my very first trip to Haiti. What does this "good American lifestyle" have for me? I felt myself judging others and getting really annoyed by the petty things I was hearing three high school girls talk about, one with a shirt on that said 'material girl'. Does she have any clue what's really happening in this world. That there's people living in tin shanties with little to no food, kids running around naked, people just striving to survive. The thing is, I was standing in that same Starbucks line waiting to order my $5 drink. Ugh. It made me feel like such a hypocrite. I had to ask The Lord to help me not to judge and take a look at my own life. Life here in the states is hard and I struggle with it every time I come back but this time has already been extremely difficult ever since I left the walls of Grace Village and as I'm writing this I'm only sitting on the plane back to MN! Let's just say there have been many tears traveling back. God is working on me and the devil is trying to get the best of me. 

As I was flying into Florida I hadn't been paying attention and all of a sudden as the wing of the plane dipped down as we were turning I glanced out the window and my heart immediately ached. All I saw was row after row of orangish/brownish roofs neatly aligned in a nice little neighborhood many with bright blue pools in their backyards. Is this wrong that people should live in beautiful houses and enjoy a dip in the pool to refresh from the heat? Absolutely not. But the differences in reality from living in the states and living in Haiti always breaks my heart. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong or bad about having nice things and providing a nice home for your family but the reality makes me what to scream! 

Of course I'm more than excited to see all my family and friends and spend time with everyone but these transitions are hard. Trying to do a "normal" life in MN is hard. Heck trying to do a "normal" life in Haiti is hard. What is "normal" anyways? I guess I'm not really sure what normal is and it is probably different for everyone. I know many people think I live this crazy life of living in Haiti and just 'following Gods call' and maybe so but that is my 'new normal.' Longing for a hot shower is my new normal. Asking for cheese to be carefully kept frozen and sent down to Haiti is my new normal. Seeing poverty daily and asking God why or what can I do to help and not hurt is my new normal. My new normal is difficult in many ways and I often long for the ease of life in the states but I love my new normal that I have. One thing that scares me is that I will get 'comfortable' with life in the states and lose sight of what is important and where I feel God has called me. 

My life is anything but "normal" but I wouldn't have it any other way! 

Disclaimer: I know I'm a roller coaster of emotions on this travel day but it's reality. Life isn't always roses and rainbows living in Haiti and coming home. I want you to know it all: the good, the great, the sad and the difficult. I definitely don't have it all figured out yet and probably never will, but this is my journey and I honestly couldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for all of you and your support and prayers. Thank you!! You are truly a blessing to me. 


  1. Jessica,

    I am praying for you this morning as I read your most recent blog post. I hope we can get together and become acquainted while you are in Minnesota! Would you give me a holler? Thanks!

    barb H.

  2. I don't know if this will encourage you or not but... I have been to Haiti twice, the last time being a little over a year ago. These were the only times I have been to a third world country. Although it is easy to come back to the US and enjoy hot showers, clean water, roads that are easy to drive on, options, and ease in my life, I still struggle with it. The Bible says that if we have two shirts and someone else has none, we are supposed to share. What does that mean for me? Am I supposed to buy nice things, go on vacations, and spend money to make myself comfortable when other people are starving to death or do I have money so that I can help others? How much of what I have is "mine" and how much is given to me to help others? This is not an easy struggle in America where everyone seems to believe that if we work hard, we deserve to have whatever we want.

    Anyway, I am guessing that even as you enjoy what you have in the US, you will still wrestle with these issues and they will not entirely leave you. Then you, as do I, will get to struggle with figuring out how to appropriately handle your own spending and giving as well as when to comment to others (and when not to) as you see them spending all their money, or most of it on themselves and not giving it another thought. It is a painful process I think.