When the answers no...or not right now...

Sometimes I feel that life is going full on in the right direction and God is opening doors and all I have to do is keep walking through them! Those are the times that I love! ;) But recently that hasn't been the case. The doors aren't swinging wide open on the path that I had desired. Mind you, "The path that I desired." You see I had things all planned out about how this whole adoption thing was going to go and what my next year or so would look like.

Over the last month I have connected with several people, meet with other orphanage directors, lawyers and people at IBESR (social services). I got information, information that I, for the first time in a long time, felt was reliable information; needless to say I didn't get the answers that I necessarily wanted though.

I struggled. And if I'm honest I probably still am struggling with it all. But I also know that God is in control. I struggle that things in Haiti are never clear. There is no set direction or path for this adoption world. Information seems to always be changing--does anyone even know what the "new law" states?? It's things like this that make me want to scream and pull my hair out and bawl my eyes out.
But I always have to come back to the fact that just because things are going as "I" had planned for them to go, I know God has bigger and better plans...I just can't see that big picture right now....so I pray and patiently wait for Him to guide me and lead me.

I know that my heart is in missions and in Haiti and it ALWAYS will be. I pray that I can continue to serve in Haiti for years and years to come. I know that God has put adoption on my heart and that He will bring it to completion in His timing with the child He has specifically chosen for me. These things I know and even though days can be hard and weary at times, He is in control and I have FAITH and TRUST in HIS PERFECT PLAN and TIMING!

So although it feels like the answers are no...or not right now...

God is in control and He knows the desires of my heart.  

A very fitting new piece of metal art. :) 

God is pretty sneaky...

God is pretty sneaky sometimes....literally minutes after I posted the blog about when life feels messy and things don't seem to be lining up God leads me to read Jesus Calling for today March 10th.

Jesus Calling March 10th 

YOU ARE MINE FOR ALL TIME--and beyond time, into eternity. No power can deny you your inheritance in heaven. I want you to realize how utterly secure you are! Even if you falter as you journey through life, I will never let go of your hand. 

Knowing that your future is absolutely assured can free you to live abundantly today. I have prepared this day for you with the most tender concern and attention to detail. Instead of approaching the day as a blank page that you need to fill up, try living it in a responsive mode:being on the lookout for all that I am doing. This sounds easy, but it requires a deep level of trust, based on the knowledge that My way is perfect. 

Psalm 37:23-24
The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

Psalms 18:30
As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

Thank you Lord for gently guiding me to what I needed to see and read today to confirm that YOUR way is PERFECT! Teach me to have that deep level of trust!! 

Middle of a mess

When you feel like your in the middle of a mess...

Sometimes life just feels messy. Everything about it doesn’t seem to be lining up. 

But according to who? Who can decided that everything isn’t lining up in their life? 

For some reason I feel that I have the power to say that life is messy and it’s not lining up, but just because it’s not lining up according to my standards or what I "thought" it was going to be like doesn’t mean it’s not lining up. As a matter of fact it IS lining up and lining up better than I could ever imagine or desire. 

The problem is I just can’t see that yet. I can’t see the big picture as to how it will all line up in the end. Only God knows how the “mess” will line up. My job is to let go of it and trust that God is in control. Trust that He is going to guide me and direct me. Seek Him and His plan for my life and ask Him for wisdom in all things. 

People are going to try to cut me down, say mean things, think I’m crazy for doing what I’m doing, and be unsupportive--we're human. But I’m not on this earth to please them. Maybe they are doing those things because they are dealing with their own struggles. Not mine to judge or to figure out. 

But what I do need to learn to do better is LET IT GO. I need to let it all go and live in the present moment and live joyously! I can’t control anyone else, I can’t fully control my situation or my future, but I can control myself and how I react to it all. Life is short. I want to learn to let it go and be happy even in the “messy” times when things don’t seem to line up how I think they should. 

Surrendering it all to God and trusting with all my heart that God is working and He usually is working the most when we feel like our life is a mess.

I need to readjust my focus and remind myself to look at all the things that GOD IS lining up in my life at the moment! When I take the time to do this I can see that God is definitely working in my life and bringing so many pieces together in ways that I could have never imagined! 

So in the “messy” times when life doesn’t seem to be lining up I pray that I can readjust my focus and remember:

GOD is working! 

GOD is doing amazing things (even in what seems “messy”)! 

GOD is faithful! 

GOD knows the desires of my heart! 

GOD is able to move mountains! 

GOD is good...in ALL things!!

Creole classes....

It has officially begun.....

Creole class....

                       

Thank you so much to all those who made this possible!! It really will be such an amazing gift to be able to fully communicate with the people I love on much better deeper level! 

Hard at work doing my homework!! Yep....Homework!! 

class...3 days a week for 2 hours...

Ok this is how I really feel about the homework! ;) 

Lets just say I don't think my brain works like this anymore!! 

Yikes....this is definitely a love/hate relationship!!

I know in the long run it will be great for me but who in the heck created so many rules....and all the memorization....

You could say I am easily distracted...but I sure do look happy don't I!! ;) 

 

Ok maybe I need to find a little quieter area to study! :)

The best part is I have some great kids who are also great teachers!! I promise I was doing my homework....with a little bit of help of course!! :) 

Pray for me and that my brain can take this all in and I can use all this to do amazing things!! 

:) 

almost there...I STILL NEED YOU!!

If you missed the post on Adoption/Life Update be sure to check it out! 

First of all I need to say:

THANK YOU TO THE SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO FAITHFULLY STEPPED UP TO SUPPORT ME MONTHLY!! 

I ASK THAT GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR KIND AND GENEROUS HEARTS!! THANK YOU FOR BEING A PIECE OF THIS AMAZING PUZZLE THAT GOD IS CREATING SO PERFECTLY IN HIS TIMING!! 

I still NEED YOU!!! I am almost there but I need more monthly supporters to help prove that I have an "income" and can afford this adoption!! 

Please help me find away to stay in Haiti and serve and be with the child God places before me so I can love on them daily during this adoption process. 

HOW?? Here is how you can make this all happen. Do you want to be apart of something amazing and awesome? Do you want to be a crucial part of changing a child’s life forever. Do you want to step out in faith and reach out to those who are in need? Do you feel God tugging at your heart saying ‘just do more’ or ‘just do something’ even if it’s something small? If so I have a perfect opportunity for you!! 

I am currently still in need of supporters to donate

the total of $1,000.00 a month! It sounds like a 

lot, trust me I know!!

BUT I KNOW THAT GOD CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS!!!  

Would you be willing to help me fight this battle and help me move onto the next step of this adoption process. I need all supporters to start donating by:

FEBRUARY 24th 

(thats next MONDAY!!)

God is big I know this can be done!! 

Remember in you commit to donating $40 or month I will give you a FREE piece of Haitian metal art--Your choice or you can custom design one yourself!! All for another great cause!! :) 

Please consider going to 

the DONATE NOW page and click on an amount in 

the MONTHLY support box. I promise YOU are 

making a difference!! 

(please have patiences with the website as sometimes it doesn't always work the first time.) 

***ALL DONATIONS ARE TAX DEDUCTIBLE

**As part of the requirement by the US government--if you do decide to donate monthly I will need your email address and will email you a letter that you just need to fill in the amount you are sponsoring me for and for how long and will need you to email it someone at my agency.** 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE BEAUTIFUL CHILD THAT GOD PLACES BEFORE ME. MAY YOU BE BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!! 

The start of something GREAT!!!

This could be the start of something GREAT!! 

About 10 months ago Ketia and little baby, Ketie, came into my life.
Ketia became a mom at only 17 years old.
Ketia has about a 2nd grade education.
Ketia doesn't have any close family in the area. Her uncle lives fairly close but only occasionally helps.
Ketia is on her own to take of her precious little Ketie.

Of course after they both came into my life I couldn't turn my back. So through the help of team goers and family and friends in the states. I was able to provide her with the basic needs for Ketie.  About a month or so after she was born I was asked to be Ketie's godmother! What a blessing (but what does that mean in Haitian culture!) After talking with Pastor Wesley and praying about it, I knew I had to accept. God was working on me, but I also knew He was working in the heart of Ketia as well. So Ketia is my godchild! :) I'm pretty darn lucky!!

 Ketia and Ketie soon became well known at Grace Village and everyone loved when they visited!
Ketia was employed at Grace Village for a couple months but it didn't work out. Lets just say being only 17 Ketia has a lot to learn about life and responsibilities.

In Haiti when you have something you share it and you always help out your family. So I felt like I was put in difficult position. Of course I wanted to help Ketia and provide her with everything she needed but many times I also had to say I'm sorry I can't or I don't have anything--even when I did. It broke my heart, but I knew I need to start working harder on Ketia and her being more responsible. I didn't want to teach her dependency on me.

God has put a few things on my heart in the last several months. Awhile back I asked a man in Titanyen to make me some frames. I was thrilled to employ him and get to know him better but also for all the possibilities I had with some simple frames hand-made by Alberto! He is so great and sweet!! As he says, "Jessica I can do anything, nothing is too difficult for me." :)

Some of the final pieces ready for the next step!! 

The work in progress....

So this is where I Ketia comes in and I thought it would be a great opportunity for her to get crafty. This was back in November. God had put this on my heart for awhile but I just never really knew where I could go with it. I'm not sure I still fully know where I can go with it, but I know that I'M GOING!! If I can create work for her and make her become more independent and learn to take care of Ketie on her own it will be a great day! God created me for this. I know I have a heart and passion for this, even if I'm not the most crafty or creative person myself...

GOD PROVIDES! 

A few of the pieces that we made!! Many of these are available at the Art2Heart boutique in Hamel, Mn

and one of my FAVORITES!!!!

I know it makes me excited to Ketie to think of all the possibilities!! 

So this all happened today...I'm not a business person or job creation person at all, but if you are or know someone who does!! Please contact me!! I'd love to connect and see how to make this the best it can be!! 

Now we just have to get creative about what we are going to turn all this great stuff into!! 

She came up for a couple hours and painted a few things for me. At the end I gave her a choice (now I'm not sure if this was right or wrong or good or bad, but I did it...if you know better please advise me!! I'm learning and need your input!! :) ) I told her I will give you $2US or you can chose 4 items out of a pile of things that I have. She was wise and took the stuff pictured below--$2 isn't going to get you far in Haiti! And I love it that she thought of Ketie while choosing!! 

       


How could I turn my back on these two amazing girls!! God will show me the way in which I can best help and support them!! 
                                           I'm so excited about what God all has in store!! 
                                         Please pray for wisdom and direction in all this!! 
                                                     It makes my heart happy!!  

ADOPTION/LIFE UPDATE

Adoption/Life update... 

Would you like to get one of these or any other piece of HAITIAN metal art for
FREE!!!?
You'll be supporting two great causes check out the end of this blog to see how!! 

So here I go....an update on the adoption and life....basically one in the same I guess. :) 

Praise note....remember that blog about Losing Joy....in the last month or so I can say that I have found my JOY! I honestly feel like a new person and ready to concern the world again! ;) Thank you so much to all of you who so faithfully prayed for me through that and those of you who reached out with encouraging words...You blessed me when I need it and I’m so thank for that...May each of you BE BLESSED! 

I’ve been living in Haiti for 1 year and 7 months....CRAZY right!! I know I can hardly believe it. God has stretched me, broke me, filled me and restored me. He continues to work on me daily and I am continually humbled by how He has worked so faithfully in my life and on this amazing journey He has me on. I know this is only the beginning (which is hard to believe) but He has GREAT PLANS and I’m excited about how He is going to continue to work and reveal Himself to me on this journey! 

Adoption update: I wish with all my heart I could say ‘I have all the finalized papers in my hand’, but not today. Today I can’t say that, but I know one day (God willing) I will be able to say that!! But until that day, I have work to do and God is continuing to work and teaching me along the way! Somedays are hard but I fully trust in God’s plan. I have had and continue to have lots of hurdles to jump through...it’s part of process. I think that God is trying to teach me patience in all of this. I should have been keeping track of how many times I have heard that word throughout this process...I’ll be honest at times I’ve wanted to look at them and yell, ‘do you know how long I’ve been in this process and how patient I’ve already been!!’ But I’m here and God is working, even when it doesn’t seem like it I know He is. I can’t share all the details but trust me GOD is WORKING...I pray that soon I can!! 

I recently submitted a new application to another agency. If you know anything about adoptions any time you have to submit even a preliminary application it’s LONG! But I know it’s worth it. After I submitted my application a few weeks later I got an email say, “sorry you don’t qualify.” WHAT!?! Seriously!! What do you mean I don’t qualify!!!? Apparently when you want to adopt a child the US government wants to make sure you have enough money....come on is it really that big of deal! ;) Ok yes I fully get it, but I have money saved and I have every intent of moving back to the states and getting a “paid” job and being able to support my child....apparently that’s not good enough. :) BUT I can still make this happen and continue to serve in Haiti, God willing. 

HOW?? Here is how you can make this all happen. Do you want to be apart of something amazing and awesome? Do you want to be a crucial part of changing a child’s life forever. Do you want to step out in faith and reach out to those who are in need? Do you feel God tugging at your heart saying ‘just do more’ or ‘just do something’ even if it’s something small? If so I have a perfect opportunity for you!! 

I need monthly supporters.  (Ok there I said it...I NEED...I broke down and let go of pride--see God is working!) :) I need to prove to the US government that I ‘make’ $20,000.00 a year. That means I need to prove that I have monthly supporters who donate at least a total of 1,666.66 (is it a little crazy that it’s 666 a number often associated with the antichrist or the devil?? Guess what God is bigger and greater and I know how much satan wishes to destroy all adoptions and attack the adoptive parents (trust me I’ve seen it happen) but guess what satan not now not this time and not with this momma!) 

Would you be willing to help me fight this battle and help me move onto the next step of this adoption process. I need all supporters to start donating by FEBRUARY 24th (thats 2 weeks from today!!) God is big I know this can be done!! 

Here’s what I need: 

5 people to donate $10 a month

10 people to donate $20 a month

10 people to donate $25 a month

5 people to donate $40 a month

6 people to donate $50 a month

2 people to donate $70 a month

5 people to donate $100 a month 

OR 

17 people to donate $1000 a month ( ;) hey God can move mountains!!)

Would you considering being one of the amazing people that carries me through on this journey? 

**If you chose to donate $40 or more monthly I will give you a beautifully hand made piece of metal art--your choice or have a custom made one!

Your donations will also help this man and many other Haitians who make this beautiful artwork and your piece will be FREE if you donate $40 or more monthly!! 

Please consider going to the DONATE NOW page and click on an amount in the MONTHLY support box. I promise YOU are making a difference!! (please have "patiences" with the website as sometimes it doesn't always work the first time.) 

***ALL DONATIONS ARE TAX DEDUCTIBLE

**As part of the requirement by the US government--if you do decide to donate monthly I will need your email address and will email you a letter that you just need to fill in the amount you are sponsoring me for and for how long and will need you to email it someone at my agency.** 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE BEAUTIFUL CHILD THAT GOD PLACES BEFORE ME. MAY YOU BE BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!